I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
