we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
