my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
cat food counts as protein by the way
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
