Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
