I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
