Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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