Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
