I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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