I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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