I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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