Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
