I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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