The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
