So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
