I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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