If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i will never coherently bang her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
