so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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