I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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