Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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