You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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