scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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