That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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