this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
