so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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