and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My brain says no but my pants say off.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
