She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
