I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
