I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
