He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
