UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
