Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
