I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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