Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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