I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
