She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
