I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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