She said her name was "party"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
