who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
