i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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