Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
