I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
