"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
