If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
