I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
