Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
