so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
