just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
