I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
