its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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