The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
