do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
