I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
