I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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