So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
