i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
