I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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