The maid of honor just puked.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
