dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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