Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
