You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize