What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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