I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize