I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize