I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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