i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
