sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
